This week has been so awfully long feeling! It has been rather nice though, so that is good. I haven't been sleeping properly, and I think that is part of the reason why things are feeling so crazy. Today I woke up rather early (to my mild dismay) to go to the market. It was not sunny, as it has been, and has remained rather muggy, cloudy, and cool today.
At the market I acquired some radishes, little squashes and zucchinis, young red onions, no. 2 porcini and white elk mushrooms, strawberries (to plant and to eat), and a bunch of living herbies to plant in my lovely backyard: sage, thyme, basil, peppermint, and dill. Rosemary grows like crazy all over town! I'm trying to hold off buying a plant so that I can see about just... re-locating one, but all of the ones I've come across are too big. (heehee!)
Today also happened to be garage sale day for a lot of neighborhoods. Gabe' and I acquired six sturdy little chairs, a small bookcase, and a Coleman gas grill with accoutrements for a whopping $37.00! The things we didn't find, but were also on our list of things needed, were also acquired (in less thrifty, but reasonably-priced ways), making today feel quite successful.
I now feel as though I could throw an event over here! :D
When I don't feel so tired anyhow...
Gabe' has been so fucking sweet with me these last few days. I've been feeling particularly depressed (probably most due to lack of sleeping), and as we all know, that is waaaay not fun to hang around with, but he has been nothing but supportive, patient, gentle, and lovingly himself. I feel so blessed. So. Fucking. Blessed. I love having his force in my life! I loves it! And it makes me so happy!
Last night, he seriously sang a song called "Shy Poops" (inspired by my habits, with Izy on the backup vocals) to cheer me up into a condition that I could join everyone in going to karaoke, Preeeetty good boyfriend.
I'm getting more and more in the habit of just being honest in everything that I do. Honest with myself, honest about what I'm feeling and what I want/need, honest to the people around me. The key to that is also ceasing judgmental thinking.
I'm someone who constantly interprets people, and I feel like I'm only getting better at that with trusting my gut and listening to what is true inside me. Living that way I feel promotes others around you to do the same thing, and that just promotes honest living and happiness!
I've also come to understand that there is a difference between being honest and being completely forthcoming and exposed.
It is important to people to hide things from other people - for lots of reasons.
On that note, it is lovely to have my space out in the house:
instead of trapped in my room.
...And now for something completely different!
I have been gaining weight. This makes me anxious and sad.
The struggle against those feelings is intensifying, and I am also happy to report that I don't feel self-conscious any more than usual (quite infrequently). I feel as beautiful and sexy and lovely as usual, but I just feel very unhappy and worried about my health when I think about the little stretch marks I discovered on my tummy the other day.
To solve my problem, I'm trying to eat better, eat less, and put together a work-out routine that I like. Eating better is hard, but only because I just... haven't had the will power to cut back on fatty foods as of late. Usually I counter that by just not possessing any, but lately it just hasn't been working out that way either due to roomies or my weakness for cheese and other classy though suety foods.
Eating less has just always been a struggle for me! Gabe' is better at it, but I think for me I just need to eat filling foods with lesser calories in amounts that make my body happy. This requires me to be disciplined, patient, and listen closely to my insides, and often, especially when I'm stressed or moody, those things are quite challenging to manage! But, I will keep practicing and never give up. Forming life habits is like developing any other skill.
As far as a workout routine, Gabe' and I have gone on a lovely exercise-focused walk this past week, and hope to be taking multiple of those in the coming weeks. I would also love to sign up for swimming at the local community center, but I'm not quite there yet - one step at a time, as it were.
I imagine there will also be plenty of gardening, camping trips, hikes, and bike rides coming up with the warm season!
I also hope to be picking up my cello again soon, and I want to write more, like I was for a little while. I get so excited about things sometimes that I overwhelm myself in my own expectations, criticisms, and resentments. I have found that being intensely patient and taking things slowly is the only way that I can really make my activities stick in a way that I don't end up having an anxiety attack every time I try to do one of them.
-ireallyhatefeelingselfcontiousaboutthatbeingtruerightnow
But, anyway, things are fucking amazing, and I thank the heavens and earth for how charmed my life is.
Pretty much! Yeah!
